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Thursday, June 10th, 2004
2:49 am - "guess im stuck in a dream, surrounded by colored leaves on the ground"
my bedroom is so full of things i love....
my new bed
my black and white james dean poster
my journals
my self
pretty items from funky fish
maya angelou quotations
pink flip flops
an aura that makes me want to write
my enrivonment...
my comfort zone...

i love my bedroom...
i love the purity of the white walls
i love that it reminds me
that i am whole
and complete
and enough
without anyone else
....
all by myself...

i am a toy store associate
my teeth are straight
my hair is long
im sensitive
im constantly trying to please authority figures
i get a high off skipping class
i love school supplies
and the smell of sunshine
i want to teach elementary school
im silly sometimes
and i like lots of time to myself
i love going to the grocery store alone
and walking to the mailbox in the evening
i like autumn
and dressing up for school
i pay attention to song lyrics
and search for a deeper meaning
i like my drinks girly
i like my bed firm
and my tea sweet.

i like feeling like a good daughter
im proud of what strong ladies my grandmothers are
im proud of the nature of my last name

i like my backyard
i like my shoes
i like the color of my eyes
and the way i've been living my life

i dont wake up with a hangover and regrets
i dont wake up in an unfamiliar place
or wishing i felt full
i feel like im making good decisons
i feel like my life is functional
and im finally making some of the changes i have sought out to make
-spending less money
-not drinking
-drinking more water
-calling home more
-working harder
-watching more movies
-writing more
-taking less advil
-reading more
-eating breakfast more often
-writing more
-smiling more
-respecting my body
-spending more time with my journal
-keeping up with laundry


i feel good about the progress i have been making
"i've never felt this healthy before; i've never wanted something rational"

i like my new boss
i like feeling safe
i like the dreams ive been having at night
i like eleven A.M.

current mood: exhausted

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Sunday, May 30th, 2004
5:51 am
i can't believe im not asleep yet......

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Monday, May 24th, 2004
1:29 pm - "family on my mind....."
im ever so in love with....

quiet time
my boyfriend
pink flip flops
pay day
starbucks
bedtime
days off
rest
reading
feeling functional
my bedroom
time to myself
hotels
'do not disturb' signs
taking a break
mellow music
getting mail
true blue friends
cuddling
writing in my journal
holidays
making plans for my life
feeling ready
pink pens
staples business depot
school supplies
clipboards
education
lecture classes
university atmosphere
nondramatic people places and things
breakfast in bed
pulling up the blinds
vegging
good movies
my extended family
my hometown
chapters
new jeans
camping

current mood: relieved

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Monday, May 17th, 2004
1:02 pm - why september_song ?
SEPTEMBER
is about love
(my parents were married in september
and i want to be as well someday)
SEPTEMBER
is about starting over
(twice i have been in a whole new house in september,
i love the feeling when you start school and everything is new and managable)
SEPTEMBER
is about crisp air, long walks, wearing new sweaters with sandals, raking leaves
SEPTEMBER
is about remembering, patriotism, being proud and thankful for those who risk their lives everyday to save other people's lives

SEPTEMBER SONG lyrics:
When I was a young man courting the girls
I played me a waiting game.
If a maid refused me with tossing curls
I’d let the old earth take a couple of twirls
And I’d ply her with tears instead of pearls
And as time came around, she came my way
As time came around, she came

But it’s a long, long while from may to december
And the days grow short when you reach september.
The autumn weather turns the leaves to flame
And I haven’t got the time for the waiting game.

Oh, the days dwindle down to precious few;
September, november.
And these few precious days I’ll spend with you.
These precious days I’ll spend with you.
-peter, paul & mary

current mood: loved

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Saturday, May 15th, 2004
12:20 am - "i dont mind being swept away..."
I feel healthy.

{"I've never felt this healthy before; I've never wanted something rational"}

I'm drinking water and it makes me feel clean.
My skin is soft and i feel taken care of.
I really love getting mail.
I feel important.
My hair is straight tonight.
I work at 9:00 AM tomorrow.
I had a bath tonight and my skin feels nice and smooth.

God, please watch over me and keep us all safe tonight.
Thank you for the endless things I find to be grateful for.

I need sleep.

current mood: exhausted

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Thursday, May 13th, 2004
11:37 am - "hey... what are you hungry for?"
im off today
i work in a toy store
my boyfriend is out west at rcmp training for six months
im hungry
im lonely
i want a new dress
i want to get paid (tomorrow)
i want to go grocery shopping

i liked high school while it lasted
i felt important and involved
now i wish i had that kind of motivation,
that kind of energy
it seems im always tired

aCTUALLY when i go to bed earlier then im okay...
last night was a late night
up chatting with the roommates

i miss my hometown
i wish i wasnt stuck in this stupid place for the summer
i like my job
and my bedroom

generally i hate being here for the summer
its lonely and boring
and i dont like it....

i feel like im drowning....

im going to go read
and try to get over whatever i need to get over to feel a little more grateful today

***

current mood: lonely

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Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
11:11 pm
songs im into right now :::

watch the wind blow by - tim mcgraw

thats how you like it - beyonce

when the sun goes down - kenny chesney feat uncle kracker

in da club {sexy lil thug remix} - beyonce

celebrity skin - hole

icy blue - seven year bitch

i wanna be your chick - ashanti

not the doctor - alanis morissette

hey hey - dispatch

100 years - five for fighting

bad day - something corporate

on my own - the used

this love - maroon 5

thug love - 50 cent

yeah - usher & ludacris

current mood: content

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Saturday, March 6th, 2004
12:06 am - "in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love that have to say goodbye"
when youre laying beside me
and your hand is touching mine
this feeling runs through me
that i cant describe
i only know
that it lights me up
and it makes me feel....
incredible

the way you cuddle up to me
and listen
makes me feel
excited and nervous and happy and comfortable


i cant help but dream
every time i tell myself
to be rational
and appropriate
my heart goes spinning off
in another direction
and theres nothing
i can do
but follow it.... *

current mood: cheerful

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Friday, March 5th, 2004
12:15 pm - "this is how you remind me of what i really am"
for some reason
with you
i can feel all the sunny moments

you remind me
of the way
the smell of chlorine in the aquatic center
used to excite me when i was nine

my hair feels a little more curly
and my eyes a little more blue
when its thursday again
and i get a quick hug from you

for some reason
i can feel the sky
falling down around me
and it reminds me
of sitting on the front step
in red shorts
under the sunshine
and seeing him after all this time...

you remind me
of how it felt
to see horses run free
past the red barn
just a little ways outside of town

or how it felt
to see the three waterfalls
standing on a big rock
and feeling so small
realizing that the horizon
can tell me
what is important
and the scenery around me
is priceless

you remind me
of every important moment
i never knew
was so important...

current mood: good

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Saturday, February 21st, 2004
3:38 am - "you said 'dont forget about me'"
Read more...Collapse )

current mood: exhausted

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Monday, February 16th, 2004
4:07 pm
im tired

and i just realized i havent been single all school year...
my head is aching from too much coffee to keep me awake ~
and i just want to go back to bed ~

your eyes dance all over me and i wonder
what you could possibly be thinking at a time like this...

your voice rushes over me
but its all just silence
its all just in my head....

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Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
1:59 pm - "put on a sexy dress"
things ive been wanting to do lately:
eat at mikes
go to a thrift store
buy pretty new things at la senza
go to moncton
go to funky fish

songs i like lately:
mexico- cake
hands clean & unsent- alanis morrisette
have a little faith in me- jewel
brown skin & beautiful- india arie
come back to bed& covered in rain- john mayer
god shaped hole- plumb

things that make me happy today:
summer in tuscany (book)
jason
getting rest
my roommates
looking forward to jann arden
dreaming

things to do in the next week:
write frankenstein paper
go to *the tempest*
go to jann arden concert
*enjoy valentines day*
house meeting with landlord :|

* i like dido
* i can never seem to get enough sleep
* i need to have a long hot bath and straighten my hair
* i need to do the politics readings i havent done
* i need to get a job
* i need to get my printer fixed

i close my eyes
and dream about drifting away
to some place warmer, sweeter
i remember when you used to hold my hand
nervously


current mood: sick

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12:54 am - "just dont leave me alone here...its cold baby come back to bed"
its been a long hard day
but when i come home to you
or when you call me
on the telephone
and i feel like your voice
is quietly confessing gentle things to me...

the days dont seem so long anymore
the crisp air
brings me to a brighter place
and i hold your hand
because i feel like you understand
me .tonight.

your eyes dig deep into me
and bring me new surprises
when you pull the covers up over our heads
and kiss me hard....
like its our little secret

there is something so sweet and desirable
about your presence...

i feel such a newfound connection to you...
like im content and satisfied
and my worries are just melting away...

im happy
and on wednesday afternoons i feel beautiful
with my coffee cup and understated blue pens
i know all about the kind of girl i am
and i dont worry
if you dont know all that yet...

my eyes are bright
and excited
when i think about you
when you hug me at the end of a hard day...
i just take deep breaths and let all the hard times
slip away
its all fine
on nights like these

current mood: calm

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